Showing up in a world where it is so easy to shut down…

How do people start these things?!? Hello my future followers. Hello my long term and short term friends. Hello and take this as an invitation and open door into my life. Many people who truly know me and know how I handle this thing called life understand just how vocal I can be, and I don’t mean vocal in bad way (although that happens too) But vocal in a good way as well. I read a lot! I love learning, I love teaching, I love educating and being educated. I used to think of this as a curse. Like why can’t I be like everyone else and just be content with my life and my life choices?!? Ask some of my closest friends I’m the girl who has a million and one things on her plate on any given day, but when given the chance to be educated, to be challenged, or just be plain helpful I am all over those opportunities.

I am going to warn you early on in my writings I love “Jesus” and while I can see the sighs, hear the groans of girl don’t you know there are plenty of writers out there exactly like you who love “Jesus” come up with something more clever??? I just want to throw it out there. I am not entirely sure where my writings will go day to day but from what I do know is gods in control and he has taken me, my feelings, and thoughts full fledged. I also want to throw out there that I suck with pronunciation, punctuation’s, when to use a comma, when not to use a comma. Using there, their, and they’re. So if any of these items bother you right off the bat I am so not your girl!! What I am good at, actually I should say great at is loving people. Truly loving people for their flaws, for people to give me absolutely nothing in return but their love. I haven’t always been a lover though, and I still work daily to understand this new found love and where it is going to take me into the future.

This leads me to my breakthrough, my drop me to my knees moment happened to me last week. No guys, really I am serious! Ok, not to say I haven’t seen it coming because I have been working on myself 24/7, asking all the hard questions, figuring out my “why” in life for four years now. But it wasn’t until this past week, did the light bulb moment hit me, and not like oh wow that was easy kind of hit me, I am talking about hit me in a way hormones do when your pregnant kind of hit me. Seriously guys, my husband I am convinced thinks he married a psycho path LOL!! Ok not funny because I clearly know psycho paths are not funny, but I hope you can relate with me at this point. To explain to you what my heart has experienced this past week is beyond words and I am sure only something the lord almighty and myself can truly understand. What I have made as my life mission is to get others to truly experience such a freedom, such a peace for themselves. I am not going to ask you to buy anything, to join my pyramid scheme (yes I know there are some successful ones out there). I honestly will not even push my beliefs on you, because in reality your reading about “my life” and what it means for me to show up for myself and others around me. But what I can promise is when you put in the work to remain obedient to yourself, your goals, your vision, your beliefs, life changes and amazing things come to light like nothing I have ever experienced before. This week I have overcome fear. Yes I said it fear! The fear of failing!! This was huge for me! Why because I have failed before, countless times, to many people whom I loved over the years. I have been fired before, I have used people, and although I am not proud of these things I also allowed for so many years to allow these failures to hold me back. I didn’t know any better to seek true freedom and peace! I didn’t know a love and comfort only god can give truly exists. Last night I wrote in my journal and thought back as far back as I could and listed in order the best I could the events (not by date) but by year the amount of times god showed up for me when I couldn’t even show up for myself. I wrote something like this… God showed me true love in 2008 when I met my now husband, who helped move me into a new place after only a few days of meeting him. God showed me what it means to be pure in 2013 when my son urijah was born. I had 6 full pages, of years and examples of the many times god showed up for me. Guys, I never even once thought to think of life this way! It was so powerful going back, year by year, event by event and seeing so many times the way god showed up for me. How he does things in his perfect timing, and all the while I didn’t see it. I didn’t feel it! I didn’t show up. I can make excuses for myself back then in why I didn’t show up, life was busy, I wasn’t disciplined enough, etc. etc. But that way of thinking now is just too hard.

What I can do is choose now to live with intention. I get to choose everyday how I feel, and if your anything like my “old self” you too may be saying lady everyone says to live with intention…work out with intention… show up with intention but when you truly live out this so called “saying” makes what you do move mountains!! So my prayer for you, all who is reading this, and all who will follow “my” journey to freedom and peace is sit down and think of all the times god has shown up for you. Give thought to not only the dark times but the good times as well, I promise you this exercise will be life changing. It has been for me. #Thisismedoinglife


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