Today I am in much better spirits than I have been since Friday. I have continued to do more accepting of the unknowns. I have talked about, cried about, prayed about the “what ifs” but I have also made peace that whatever is supposed to happen will happen. Gods in control and he knows my heart even better than I do most days. I didn’t write yesterday because I was still working in my head on how I would persevere even in my hurt, in the days where I feel like I am most vulnerable.
My husband (God love him) out of no where in our Friday evening chat brings up my blog and my writing style, like we are some experts in anything that I am writing on here or saying. He says babe “you really need to change up your writing style, I want to hear in your writing that I am talking directly to you.” Him reading my words when I type “you guys” or “y’all” he struggles with not hearing me writing or reading and although he was trying to say this as sincere as can be the timing could have not been anymore worse for me. Here me out… Friday I got pretty serious news about what may or may not be going inside my body right now, and Friday night as well out of all nights your wanting to critique me about my blog and my writing style! I swear to you readers his intentions to talk to me about my writing was good, but that timing man will bite you in the ass. So as you can imagine, I cried even more Friday night! Ugly cry at that!
Which brings me to today and my thoughts on why timing matters. It took me all day yesterday to really focus on what the heck happened on Friday, not only with my medical news but now my husband and his response to my blog. As I had said even earlier in the week to my mom this blog is not being written for anyone but myself, in saying that I hope people can resonate with my journey and maybe learn a few things in the process of reading my words. But this blog was started originally as “My” outlet. My happy place I can come to day to day. I am in no way pretending, putting on a front that the life I live is any better or any worse than my readers who may be reading this. I work everyday on myself, my faith, and yes on my writings. I really resonate with Rachel Hollis and Gary John Bishop authors of Girl wash your face and Unfu*k yourself when they both say what other people have to say about your writings is really none of your business.
I realized from the get go of starting this blog I will have people who love it and who hate my writing style. Especially the more I talk about my faith in my writings, especially the more I write and don’t have correct spelling, or punctuation. Anyways this is my husband, and his intentions were not meant to hurt me, or make me ugly cry, he is clearly very supportive in what I am doing but as he can acknowledge now his timing could not have been anymore wrong when he brought up that topic. As my faith goes god and his humor in all this madness the last few days did not appear to be distant either, as I am the girl who will carry around my pink bible and my Esther study workbook just about everywhere. My thought process in doing this is when I have a min of downtime I will pull out my bible series and really dig in to the story of Esther. Which I know readers I keep referring to it but seriously if you were like me and somewhat intimated by the Big ole bible I really encourage you to start with Esther and the Beth Moore series, it gets you week by week digging into scriptures slowly and one step at a time having you really open up your bible not just to Esther but so many other scriptures as well. Anyways sorry now that I got off on a tangent I did my Esther workbook yesterday and wouldn’t you know session five in the workbook where I was to start in my series would start and have me dig in to 4 important reasons why it’s important to pay attention to timing.
Reflect on the importance of knowing…
1.) When it’s time
2.) When it’s time to wait
3.) When it’s time to wait for someone else’s time
4.) When the meantime is gods time
My testimony is true when I say god knows me better than I know myself. He knew I needed a full lesson on timing, he knew that would be my answer to what the heck happened on Friday night. Praise you lord for holding my hand through it. I am still asking for prayers as I go in tomorrow morning to start my testings, to start all the scans, ultrasounds. In gods perfect timing I will be ok, no matter what my news will be and I am confident in that. I just need to continue to trust and remain obedient to the journey god is about to take me on.
#Thisismedoinglife #Madeforme #Godsgotthis