One step forward, ten steps back…

What is up my readers!! Talk about a crazy week! I have so much to write about my thoughts are literally exploding! Where to start? Where to start? This week flew by for me, probably because we have so much going on with church, and the excitement yet nervousness to find out if my husband would indeed get the job we honestly felt like he would be perfect for, our week just flew by. Have you ever felt like you were chasing after your dreams instead of living out your dreams? I have felt that feeling a lot this week and I can’t say I like what that feels like. Rachel Hollis likes says”Don’t quit because your dreams are taking to long.” and while most days I resonate with this and choose to push on instead of quit, this week has truly tested me and has me on the verge of quitting. Here me out!

My husband one of the hardest working men I know, would quit his job of 7 years back in June this year, it was not at all an easy decision, as for all the years in our relationship he has been the primary provider. But I myself was no longer willing to risk my husband’s health, to a job he no longer felt satisfied at. My husband is a very smart man, handy man at that! I knew he would bounce back from unemployment quickly, but so far in the last 4 months he has been applying and given hope for new beginnings and then literally something comes up and excuses happen on why he would not end up being hired or getting the job. So here we sit patiently waiting thinking we took one step forward and now again taking 10 steps backwards and starting back at square one. 

This week husband and I also agreed to start a Financial Peace class through our local church (It really is Dave Ramsey financial Boot camp) I have to admit I was so nervous to even sign us up, cause in reality am I really ready to take on dealing with all our debt in a time like this? We are literally living off of one income and do I dare to take on something I am not 100% convinced I can follow through on? Well guys we signed up. We signed up for a 9 week Dave Ramsey financial boot camp and watching the video was not so bad, actually I did not realize Dave Ramsey was so faith-based. But our homework assignment for the week was to baby step 1-Save up $1000.00 dollars and put it away, also complete the quick budget form, and write down a group snapshot of what your total non-mortgage debt is, total liquid assets you have available, and how many open credit card accounts do you have? Now I have mentioned this before in blogs but my relationship with money is not at all healthy. I dread paying bills, but I will do it. I take on the stress of paying bills not only for my household but also for my parents so that stress is times 2. Anyways you can imagine my stress just trying to tackle this homework assignment yesterday, I was a huge ball of stress and when I get like that ladies and gents all I want to do is eat! Not just eat healthy but comfort food eat. I have worked on myself enough to know money is one of my triggers and I won’t give in anymore to eat away my worries but it definitely made yesterday very hard to get through and I was exhausted by the time 8 o clock came around. Some would ask but wait you signed up for this willingly, yes I did and you want to know why, because I like the feeling I get when I give all my worries up to the lord,  oh the freedom I feel by doing so. I want to feel that type of freedom when it comes to truly giving my finances up to the lord as well. I have never been taught how to do these types of things, instead I treat money as if I am in control. We have good credit so many would think I am indeed in control, but guys this is true honest and not rocket science I can “yes” pay bills and tempoarily save but… I no longer, my family no longer, just wants to get by and I don’t have the tools on how to make such a big task happen for myself or for my family, so send my butt to financial boot camp. This will get better, I do plan to trust the Dave Ramsey process but I also can’t shake the feeling I am taking some steps backwards in re-training my brain to learn all the things there are to learn about money and about saving. If I am being honest this part of personal development is not fun right now. 

I know readers and I’m sorry I sound like such a sap! But these are my thoughts and I have been aching to get them out of my head and on paper. I am also reading “Oddly enough” by my girl Carolanne Milijavac and tonight while reading chapter five it hit me, all these thoughts I am having about taking one step forward and 10 steps back, this is indeed what the enemy sounds like. The enemy is good at making us feel like we are not enough, that what we are doing is not enough. I fully support my husband in this journey of unemployment, do I think the jobs he’s interviewed with that sounded promising were at all a waste of time “No” I don’t, and actually this last potential job has in some way changed the way we do “faith” together. Has made us communicate better and opened our hearts to want to love a new church for our family, and practice church everyday and not just on sunday. The enemy also knows my fear I have when it comes to money, as I already have married, divorced and bankrupt stamped on my forehead. So as I am making strides to change my family tree, to want to re-train my ways of thinking when it comes to money so I am better equipped to teach my son and my niece when they are older how to succeed. The enemy wants me to give in and beat myself up on all the ways I am not living. I am writing this out on paper to fight back those thoughts. To fight back the negative self talk. 

I know I am not alone in my way of thinking and I hope my words tonight will inspire others to fight back and not give up as well! We were not given this life to constantly feel defeated! We will persevere, gods way always wins! Please know you’re not alone in this fight and your not alone in your thoughts. I still see god showing up for me and my family in the doors he is keeping closed and the new ones he’s showing me I am more than capable doing, like writing a book, writing on this blog, preparing my body, heart and soul for hard work so I can live in complete freedom not only in his word, but in financial freedom as well. But it won’t be handed to me. It will take hard work, consistency, and patience like I’ve never known to fully trust and to believe that god can do all things.

As always guys please share my blog link on social media if you think my words can help those around you. Also do not forget to enter in your e-mail address to follow this blog, that way you are notified when new content is posted. I will also being using my e-mail followers when it gets closer to book launch to hand out free swag, and maybe even free books. Goodnight guys! #Thisismedoinglife #Nottodaysatan #Trustingtheprocess

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